Book Review
In his book, Why Men Hate Going to Church (Nashville: Thomas
Nelson, 2005), David Murrow shows what we probably already know, that there is a gender
gap in the pews of churches, with women outnumbering men in almost all
denominations. There are exceptions--in Eastern Orthodoxy, for instance, the
numbers seem to balance, as they do in Judaism and Islam. But for Catholics
and Protestants, men are increasingly absent. Some denominations are
affected more, notably the liberal Protestant churches, but the trend is
clear and has been around for decades, even centuries. How is it that a
religion founded by a man who called men to follow him now has become a
faith to which men have to be dragged by their wives?
Murrow cites management expert W. Edwards Deming in his introduction:
"Your
system is perfectly designed to give you the results you're getting."
Christianity, as practiced today in most churches, is designed to attract
women and to keep men at a distance.
The needs and aspirations of men and women are different. Think of movies,
he says. Church has become a romantic comedy—men crave action and adventure.
Churches are places of safety and comfort where women feel affirmed—men want
risk and challenge and a chance to prove themselves. Churches seek to
operate by consensus, and try to maintain harmony—men love conflict and
competition. What women find comforting, men find boring.
Jesus went out as a man among men, and he called men to follow him. Men
learn by discipleship, Murrow argues, through experience and through
mentoring—through example and challenge.
Churches make it hard for men to fit in. Most parish ministries are suited
for women, their experiences, and their proficiencies. Look around at most
parish ministries and what do men end up doing? Finance, building, and
ushering (at least they get to stand up and walk around). The focus of most
parish ministries is on women and children, on patterns conducive to them,
on ways of ministry that appeal to them. Men feel lost.
Jesus, argues Murrow, started his ministry with men. He didn't organize
women's groups and children's classes. He went as a man among men. He went
fishing with them, went traipsing through the woods and deserts with them,
went to where they worked and where they socialized. He called them to
follow him, and he taught them through word and example, as they lived their
life together. He challenged them and rebuked them, awed and intimidated
them. He sent them out in his name. He didn't turn away from men's gifts—he
didn't tell them they needed to become like women—he used those gifts to set
the world ablaze. [More] |
This
webpage is edited by William J. Cork. I'm a pastor in Houston,
TX, with a ministry focusing on young adults and college
students. I've been specializing in this area for about a dozen
years; I've also been pastor of rural and small town churches,
and was a chaplain in the US Army Reserve and National Guard. My
wife, Joy, and I have been married 25 years and have an
18-year-old son and a daughter who is 15. My specific interest
in men's ministry grows out of the latter reality--wrestling
with the challenges of parenting teens was one of the issues
that led me to seek out opportunities where I can grow as a
father, a husband, a son and a brother.